I'm Tired of Sunsets, I'm Hoping For a Sunrise

This post will fulfill several purposes. I have had many ideas for posts lately, but none were fully developed individually, so I think I will try and combine them and see how it works out.

First I'd like to mention the progress I have made along this journey. In the beginning, I had nothing. My financial aid was stripped from me, my academic pursuits in the state of California were being blocked at every turn. No job, no girlfriend, no way to fulfill my dreams. My whole course in life was shipwrecked on the jagged rocks of youthful mistakes and broken education system. But three weeks after my life fell apart, I began to be blessed. My girl came back to support me, I got a job, and at the very moment (not an exaggeration) I realized that I needed more hours to meet the minimum financial requirements for admission, I get a text giving them to me. I was very, very low, but I was blessed and everything fell into place as I needed. I began working hard and earning more hours at work, and soon I was able to make enough for the application fee, the transcript fees, the New Student Deposit, and the Train ticket. My life has turned around, but I'm not out of the woods yet. As I mentioned briefly in my first post, UMass Boston does not have any dormitories, meaning that I have to find an apartment. This means first month's rent at the very least. In many cases they ask for last month's rent and a security deposit. Since I worked at HSU, my employment ended with the semester, and I have yet to earn the money for that first month. I have passed out resumes, however, and I have faith that my needs will be met when and where they are meant to be, just as they have all throughout this journey. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned, but I've been concerned all semester and so far it has worked out. I'm trying to be the responsible adult and make the most out of my meager earnings, and it is difficult sometimes. I have splurged on movies and dinner, frozen yogurt and pizza. Beer, don't forget the beer (though not as much as I thought I would. I think I went a whole month without purchasing an alcoholic beverage of any form). But I have saved what I needed to and can at least get to Boston to start my new life, though that new life might be a bit smelly and could end during the first winter if I don't get a job and a place soon enough.

Yes, I'm worried. Who wouldn't be? I'm 24 years old, a first generation college student, moving across the country with the clothes on my back, a lap top, kindle, and a bag full of history books. I'm paying out-of-state tuition with only five semesters of Pell Grant eligibility left to me. If I take 15 units per semester and pass all my classes on the first try and work 20+ hours a week, I'll be fine. I think. I want to eventually get my PhD, meaning that I have to have extraordinary grades in my History courses. I'm not so worried because I love history, but with so much on my shoulders, I'm afraid of the pressure. But pressure makes diamonds, as I learned this semester.  Boston will show me and all of you what kind of man I really am. If I succeed and graduate with honors, as I believe I am capable, then I will have become the man I always hoped I could become. If I fail, and charge a plane ticket home because I was too scared or incapable, then I will be the coward I feared I was.

The other day David told me to listen to a song by a band I'd never heard of. When it got to the end, I remembered why I was going to Boston in the first place. Fear is natural. I'd be worried if I wasn't afraid. But I always wondered if I could be brave in the face of fear. When I heard this song, cheesy as it sounds, I felt brave. It's a rather girlish song, and it sounds a lot like The Scientist by Coldplay, but it was eerie how accurately it described some of my reasons for moving to Boston. When I was reminded of these reasons I felt brave, and felt as though I could function through the fear.

 it's fine if you jump to about 2:30. the rest makes me sound emo

I am rather looking forward to a sunrise. I love the beauty of nature, but I've seen my share of sunsets. I'm looking for a sunrise. Some snow would be nice too. I've never had a white Christmas. Or lived anywhere with more than two or three seasons. It's time for a change and I hope I'm doing the right thing. Am I getting a new start or am I just running away from my problems?

There's my sentimental spiel. This has taken a little while longer to write than I thought, so I will integrate my other ideas into another post. Tomorrow. Goodnight folks. Hope I don't sound too whiny or depressing.