Life Lessons Learned In Boston

I know that I just wrote recently, but I'm at an impasse that has provoked considerable thought during the last few days. I'm definitely soul searching as I wander the streets of this magnificent city trying to figure out what to do. Planning a course of action is made harder by the fact that I don't get off work until 3pm, and most things close at either 4 our 5pm, making it nearly impossible to get things done in an orderly fashion. It's disconcerting to know that there is the possibility that my education at UMass Boston will be over before it has had a chance to get off the ground. I need a place. That is priority one. But UMass Boston requires $1500 from me in about 8 days. If I didn't eat for two weeks and saved every penny that I had in an effort to meet this goal, I still wouldn't make it. I attempted to go to the Burser's Office today in an effort to find out what can be done about the fee and how I can pay it without getting charged. That proved a waste of energy as they closed at 4, the same time I got off the bust in front of the school. As I sat out in the lawn reflecting on this frustrating occurrence I realized that it was reasons such as this that had me fleeing so quickly from Humboldt County in the first place. Though not financial issues, the problems I had in Humboldt County had more to do with the individuals in charge. I was misinformed. I was made to run around in circles to try and find someone who knew something. Many times I was met with polite faces, but ignorant people. It was their  fault for not knowing how to do their jobs, and I was just a victim, but it was human error, and as humans, we all err.

You can't run away from your problems. The same problems will take on new shapes and follow you wherever you go. Running doesn't do any good. You have to take a stand, and face them head on, preferably on familiar ground. I realize now that I ran from Humboldt because I was tired, and I needed to see something new. I just had to get out for a while. I needed a vacation for vacation's sake. No band trips, no school. Just a trip for me. If I had known that, I would have asked for some friends to come along. But I didn't know that. Instead, I thought that my problems with school were because of the mistakes I made in California. I believed, honestly, but falsely, as it turns out, that those problems would stay in California when I came to Boston.

I have come to learn that those problems are at every school in every State in this Union. It doesn't matter if I'm going to school in Boston, Massachusetts or Arcata, California, I will meet with the same brand of incompetence, rudeness, erroneous administrating at both institutions. The difference is that I will pay twice as much to do it out of state. Boston is amazing. I will say it in every blog that I write because it needs to be known that I love this city more than anywhere I've ever been. But the people make the place. And Bostonians are some of the rudest people I've met. The most polite and helpful person I've met in the administration is from California. I had to see this place, and live here and work here and be more than a tourist here to truly understand all of this. I needed this experience because the school system is not designed to help students succeed as most schools would have you believe. And it is not confined to the States themselves, as some would think. It is a nationwide issue that takes educated people to figure out a way to fix it. People who have been through it. Who have seen it. Who have experienced the injustice of it. I've had people tell me that there's no future in academia, that there's no money to it. Bullshit. We can be the change we want to see in the world. By getting our degrees, and going into the administration, where the money is going, and donating portions of our too big to use ourselves paychecks, we can make a change. I will make that change. I will be that change.

I'm coming home guys. I don't know when. It could be in five days, five weeks, or five months. But I'm coming home to finish what I started and show the State of California that it's not going to chase me off because of it's bullshit. Then someday I'm coming back to Massachusetts and showing it that it's not going to fuck me over anymore. I will get my degree, and I will figure out how to fix our lopsided education, one state at a time.



Ahem. 

I realize now that I should wait until I calm down and proofread before publishing future blogs. After reading this one, I realize that it takes away and blemishes the image that I was running toward a dream and replaces it with one where I'm running from problems. That wasn't entirely my intent. Boston is my dream. I love this city, and I want to live near it someday. But it's expensive. I can't afford to go to school here, or live here right now. By getting an education, I'll be able to go to grad school, get a better paying job and will be able to afford to live in Boston without worrying about where I'm going to get $1500 in eight days. I am not giving up on this dream. Far from it. In my desperation and depression, I prattled on about running away. My point was more along the lines of problems being everywhere and the only way to get away from them is to deal with them. I do believe our education needs fixing. And all these problems I'm facing are preparing me for the challenges ahead. That last part of what I wrote before this addendum is true and from the heart. But I wasn't running from problems. I was running to a dream. A dream that I know I am unable to sustain financially. Unless something changes soon, I will be returning in January to take Math and stop trying to be the individual and be part of the mass so I can be individual when it matters. I hope now everything is clear. I'm not giving up my dream, I just can't afford it right now. I will be able to afford it by going back to California and paying 1/3 of the tuition I'd pay here, worrying only about poor advising and financial aid not giving me enough, but not turning me upside down and shaking out my pockets, either.

Reality Sinks In, But the Dream Doesn't Die

Well, my friends, I have come to a very important, but not discouraging, realization. I have been in Boston for over a month. I have a job, I have classes. I have made a friend, though I am still homeless. I have experienced Boston in a more intimate way that would not have been possible by a mere tourist trip. I have lived here, I have worked here, I will attend school here. I am rich in experience and covered in glory and a wealth of knowledge of one of the most historical cities this country has to offer.

But I'm poor as fuck.

I thought that by being 25 and financially independent, and being out of state (and thereby having a higher need, meaning more money) that I would be able to survive in Boston without much of a problem.

I was wrong.

The housing market is gruesome. The rent is 400-600 on the low end, and it only gets higher. Utilities can get up to $100 or more during the winter, and the wealthy extort the poor, even those they consider their friends. What about financial aid? Doesn't that give you plenty of dough since you're independent? Well.....no. Even though I'm getting $33000 in financial aid, that is split into two semesters, $5000 of that is work study, which I have to earn over time on a paycheck by paycheck basis.

I was able to quickly find a work study job, and not just any work study job. I work at the Brookline Public Library. Do you know who's from Brookline? And went to this library? These guys:

That's right. I work at the library that JFK and Conan O'Brian had their first library cards at. It's pretty awesome. But as awesome as my job is, and as many hours as I'm working, I've still had to max out my loans and grants, and pay $1,469 out of my work on top of it. And somehow find first and last month's rent for an apartment. And then pay for heat in the cold Massachusetts winter. And then do it all again every semester until I owe my soul and that of my first born child to the State of Massachusetts.

Don't get me wrong. I love this place, and I made the right decision. If I had made the prudent choice and stayed in California, I would have regretted not coming and hated California more, and always wondered what it would have been like if I just packed my bags and left. This is a grand experience and a greater adventure. I don't regret this for a moment. I've learned a lot about life, money, education, people, community, and culture, and I still have 4 and a half months to go. Boston is my favorite city, but the people make the place, and it's missing my favorite people.

It's not over though. I will still be getting an awesome education here, even if it is only for a semester. If I can make it longer you better believe I'll stay. But if not....if I have to return to California to pay a reasonable fee for a reasonable, but not as awesome, education, then I will do so, and I will have the unforgettable experience of having lived in one of America's greatest cities, and studied history in one of the best places for it. I love Boston. I love it more than any place I've ever been. But I'm not willing to sell my soul for it. Instead, I will earn my degree, go to grad school, and someday apply for jobs in the Commonwealth. Get paid to live here rather than pay to live here. So I hope you guys don't think ill of me for accepting the reality of my situation. But I have a proposal for you. I will live up my time here as best as I can. I'll get to know the best restaurants, museums, pubs, taverns, wenches, parks, and activities, and then next summer, I'm coming back. I hope some of you will come with me and let me share with you my favorite city in the way that I know it. Would you rather see it in a group of tourists, or would you rather see it with a friend who's spent 6 months here? Let me know who wants to come with me, because the only thing missing from this city is someone to share it with.

I'll see you guys again soon. Sooner than any of us thought, but I hope you don't hold that against me. I'd rather be able to save money and come stay in a hotel with you guys than stay here and sleep in a park. I got the taste I wanted, and I'll have months more of it. And one day I'll come back, better prepared, and more stable. And hopefully some of you will come with me.

Quarter Century Turning Point

The year is 2012 and today I'm twenty-five years old. Twenty five never seemed that old to me before, until it was pointed out that I'm a quarter of a century old. That's still not bad and I bet that in another quarter century I'd be glad to be back here on this day. It's been a full and rewarding 25 years, though. Sure I'm still in college, unmarried, and childless when many of my friends have their degrees, are married or engaged, and  a few have begun raising a family of their own. But over the last quarter century I have seen much of the United States, fallen in love with history and music, traveled the whole length of the American West Coast numerous times,  and lived life to the fullest of my abilities. I have experienced amazing adventures, and tragic loss. And it has all brought me to where I am at the dawn of this new quarter.

Here I sit in the public library in Brookline Massachusetts, where for the next two and a half years I will be dedicating my existence to the astute and noble study of history. Before the decade of my roaring twenties is out I will have my bachelors degree and an acceptance into a graduate school of study. I will find the woman with whom I wish to begin a family and settle into that life whilst working to provide for that family and enriching myself through education. I do not in the least bit regret my roaring twenties, but the sun has set on the first quarter century, (and hopefully, I'm only a quarter of the way through my lifespan), and with the dawn of this new quarter brings a more responsible, rounded individual with goals and aspirations and the tenacity and wherewithal to achieve them in swift and efficient timing. Now, I'm off to buy a hat and some Boston clam chowder for my birthday gift and feast.